Home, Where Are You?

I can’t wait to go home.

I know how horrible it sounds  but I can’t  fucking think straight. Theres barely anytime to write. Before you say make time to write  or let the inspiration just come to you-no shit dick.

In the basement, there is no service and what little service won’t work with my computer. And I hate posting from my phone. So I have been scheduling my posts- which is driving me fucking crazy,  for some reason. I find little,tiny moments of peace and clarity, creating as many posts as possible. (I cant miss a day)

I need quiet. I need to write; even with all these mixed emotions and pointless words.  I need to be able to smoke,fuck,and chill where I want.I’ve  been zoning out, giving attitude and extremly withdrawn. And I dont want to be that person, but I cant help it. I’m an introvert that gets fucking overloaded-especially in this house hold and need to crawl into the closet to chill.

I leave Friday morning,counting down the days. I’m  going to say this for the 100th thousandth  time though and say imma be depressed as shit when I get back. What can I say I love begging for this shit.

We are going  out tonight, which is cool- I can finally see Star Wars. But, even when out I continue to see words…really should start carrying around a little book.

Ah one of the many problems of my life. 😝

-J.Rose

But…But, I Don’t Wanna Talk

Ever just have one of those days, or perhaps like me life. I rarely like verbally speaking. I love engaging in conversations but I hate moving my mouth. I wish I was a telepath so I can just mindfuck people; throwing thoughts and images in their heads,staring intently into their eyes as I watch different emotions play across their face.

Ahmazing.

The only times I’m  ever a real “talker” is if the conversation is interesting. No small talk, unless you want me to walk away from you. I’ve  been with close friends that just ended  it awkward silences because small talk was all that was offered. No thanks, I’ll  pass.
Maybe it’s the sound of my voice that I hate, or the way my mouth feels from  moving it too much; it can even be that I’m  getting prepared to become a mime, either fucking way I hate speaking.

There will be times when Lex will be speaking to me and asking me questions and I’ll be staring at him answering the shit in my head.

       “oh wait, I didn’t say that out loud?”

Other times I’ll text him while sitting right next him:

        “what do you wanna do?”

Doing that to him is fine,but weirdly staring at someone and not talking can get you arrested. I definitely  need to start carrying around a little card saying:

          ” I’m  not strange, I just don’t  like speaking. Back away slowly and no one gets hurt.”

I could literally go all fucking day without saying one word. But I usually permit a daily word count of 250,300 max.

I enjoy silence.

If I could write to everyone life would be so much happier. I think that’s why I love this blog thing so much; it allows me to talk without speaking!