Money One Day-Broke The Next

I’ll never be rich- ill end up spending all my money on nonsense and sorbet.

I mean it , for reals. I have no sense of saving, okay, maybe a little but not enough to sustain me in life. I don’t even have an income.

I do have refunds that I get in the beginning of the semesters. Annddd I already spent most of it, in my defense, I do blame my impulse buying problem.

I needed a new charger for my phone. After so many arguments and sharing one charger I had enough- I need battery! So I went onto amazon in search of a charger to only get to the site and realized “hey, I need a new phone” and what did Jas do? Well she talked her boyfriend into getting new phones. Yes, I bought us both new phones and myself a new headset oh and some new books.

What. the. fuck.

I really need to stop doing shit like this, but I never buy myself anything or get anything so when the money comes I spend it.

This time, however; I cant get bitched at from the boyfriend since he got something out of it. The boyfriend wasn’t too thrilled about it at first until I told him it was his Christmas gift. He still felt a little bad so I made him take me grocery shopping from some sorbet(obsessed) and of course random shit. Whelp.

I am excited about my new phone since mine fell and got  a cracked screen hmm idk 2 weeks after getting it, so for the last 2 years I had a cracked screen. ( don’t judge I wasn’t paying 150 for a new one)

The only bad thing about this phone  and its not really an issue with the phone itself but rather the fact that my music didn’t transfer over. My apps and contacts did but not my 6100 songs. Its not that big of a deal but it is an inconvenience.

I won’t notice the dent in my minimal bank account until all those pesky pending transactions go through and then crawl into a ball and cry over some ice cream.




Home, Where Are You?

I can’t wait to go home.

I know how horrible it sounds  but I can’t  fucking think straight. Theres barely anytime to write. Before you say make time to write  or let the inspiration just come to you-no shit dick.

In the basement, there is no service and what little service won’t work with my computer. And I hate posting from my phone. So I have been scheduling my posts- which is driving me fucking crazy,  for some reason. I find little,tiny moments of peace and clarity, creating as many posts as possible. (I cant miss a day)

I need quiet. I need to write; even with all these mixed emotions and pointless words.  I need to be able to smoke,fuck,and chill where I want.I’ve  been zoning out, giving attitude and extremly withdrawn. And I dont want to be that person, but I cant help it. I’m an introvert that gets fucking overloaded-especially in this house hold and need to crawl into the closet to chill.

I leave Friday morning,counting down the days. I’m  going to say this for the 100th thousandth  time though and say imma be depressed as shit when I get back. What can I say I love begging for this shit.

We are going  out tonight, which is cool- I can finally see Star Wars. But, even when out I continue to see words…really should start carrying around a little book.

Ah one of the many problems of my life. 😝


Stop Talking So Fast.

“why are you talking so fast?”

“calm down”

” can you stop talking like that”

“what’s wrong with you, why are you talking so fast?”

” you need to stop.”


Oh I’m sorry that because you are listening too slow, you feel the need to criticize my talking.

I don’t know why I talk fast but I have since I was a teenager. My brain just wants to spit out the words in a rapid succession and I just talk really fast; leading people to look at me weird because:

a)I’m obviously talking to fast and

b)they may not be able to keep up.

I really try to slow down and tell myself that you need to breathe and slow the fuck down. But does it work, nope. It gets worse when my mood is good,  for instance, being excited about going on vacation. This past week I’ve been on a high( not only from the pot) and I’ve heard every single one of those sentences. And every time I was told something like that I wanted to die.

Seriously? You really think I like talking like this? Do you really fucking think that you telling me to calm down or question me will help me? No, I already have a million in 2 things I hate about myself and then you go and say shit like that. People wonder why I barely talk.

School presentations , a nightmare. “Can you try not to talk so fast?” Yeah I can try, will it happen , no. Trust me, I’ve tried. I can even “calm” myself down as much as possible and yet still as soon as I’m up there in front of the class, a 100 words per minute. And of course everyone has to criticize it like I don’t already know or somehow their words will spark an epiphany in me and I’ll be cured.

The boyfriend thought it would be good to say those things to me; every time they were said I just went silent,  I was done talking- not worth my time. I told him to fuck off and that he shouldn’t have said that to me when I was only being excited and wanted to talk to him.

Then I come home and within the first fucking day my mother has to get on my shit. I had just finished talking about whatever and then she goes ” oh jesus you talk so fast-doesn’t she talk so fast?” uhm thanks I appreciate that. Did you even fucking listen to what I said or are people too concerned about the pace of my speech.

I am sick and tired of people judging how fast I talk-fuck off, seriously. I don’t go around telling you how the fuck to talk . You are not helping, anything.

If you don’t want me to talk then that’s how you do it.

Which apparently in the last week, (which btw has been the most talking I’ve done in a while) is how it wants to be done.

I’m done. Minimal words and head shakes.




Internship,Why You So Complicated?

I’m a Journalism major and part of the requirement to graduate is you need to have an internship.

I’ve been a senior for the last 2 fucking years.

No job, ever- so no work experience.

I do have like 170 credits , so that counts for something right!?

The problem is this: I have no car and have to rely on the boyfriend to drive me( Fuck you michigan for your lack of transportation), meaning I have to stay in a decently close proximity to home or school.

We are poor. So I need an internship that pays.

Do you know how many there are in my area.

approximately 10. I know its an exaggeration,but when it NEEDS to pertain to fucking journalism, guess what- we dont get paid!

I did get a call back for two different places, but both are a little further than we both like and unpaid.

I leave for NY tomorrow until after the New Year, our phones are shut off (thanks lex for not paying) and im fucking stressed.

I’m really considering doing some bad shit for money but then that wont help my internship problem.

People( the families)keep telling me to find one online, okay old people you go online and find a legit place to intern out and if you do fuck, way better than I did and send it my way bitches.

Want to know the most fucked up part…

I dont even want to be in this fucking field anymore. I mean i knew it would happen like this. I’m good at it, dont get me wrong, especially advertising and public relations but I want to write, I always have. I do that here, and I love it,but when you contribute very little to the world and relationship you just kinda wanna crawl under a rock.

Ugh, today will consists of packing, cleaning, internship looking, hair pulling(not the good kind) and hopefully some writing.

Happy holidays my ass.

Kidding, Hope everyone is doing great!



“We’re Not Compatible”

I couldn’t  get this out of my head last night, so here it is.

Lex and I were having a conversation yesterday, jokingly, about me stealing his money and other things.

     Lex: “ yeah what else you gonna try and steal from me before leaving.”
Me: “ oh you know the only thing left is your seed.”
   Lex: *shocked I said that*    “well you’ve tried that already and we found out were not compatible.”
   Me:*mouth open* “whatt?”
   Lex: “ not like that ,you know one of us has something wrong.”

     Me: “thaanks for reminding me about my poisonous  vagina.”
             “DNA does not compute,matches not found”  *in my robot voice”

IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?! Can two people be incompatible therefore leaving no chance to reproduce?

That actually hurt my feelings a little because its something Ive been struggling with in secret; I do think I’m  the problem  and that my vag can’t  handle it. Have I gone to the doctor for it,no because I really  don’t want to find out I’m  the one to blame.

A reason why we think one of us has a problem  ( and why I think its me) and its not scientifically proven but I figure when you do everything right and the right time and you’re  young it should happen a little more easier. I mean I don’t even have to search Facebook to know that 90% of the women I graduated with are mothers. Half the time it’s a one night stand and BAM super sperm and super egg unite!

Uhm,  why can’t  it be that simple.

I mean it happens all the time to women; they just get pregnant, sometimes they don’t even know.

I’m  going to have to eventually go, Lex wants a family, I just don’t want him to be disappointed. I know him saying were not compatible is him acknowledging  the truth but to be given an actual denial would be a serious blow.

I just told him about this post and how his words actually made an impact and he started laughing, I probably shouldnt have been saying it with a smile on my face.. but what can I say, we’re some twisted bastards.

Hope everyone else’s  vag and balls are doing better!