there was peace

in the silence between

the angry tones



I’m an Organized Mess.

I find calm in the chaos.



Ever since I was little I always found myself in messy situations ( you should have seen my room). Over the years, I’ve become more adapted and have become one with the chaos. No seriously,  I’m  like a fucking monk when it comes to crazyness. I think because my brain is all over the place most of the times, that when everything around me is like that-its normal.

I can think clearly, even if sometimes a thousand people are talking at once.

I can’t  be so chaotic and messy anymore because now someone else is occupying my space or I his; and he happens to be a neatfreak and borderline OCD.

Hes the cleaner of the household, I clean,but he CLEANS. If he get it into his head, holy shit,clear your schedule because he cant/wont stop till whatever got into that heads of his is clean.

I,on the other hand,”meh, its not that messy” while staring into piles of clothes,a ton of books,a cat on a comforter, one shoe in the middle of the floor, the other…whoops.

Trust me when I say we are always getting into arguments about my lack of organization and his over need for it; with my final response always being ” but I like it babe,plus I know where everything this!” *initiate  foot slam *

Exhibit A: freezer is a fucking desaster, food packages everywhere,a complete disarray.
This was the most recent moment; also the same time he figured out I was a fucking G and could find anything!

Me: “babe make us cookies, they are the freezer”
Lex:*scouvering through the freezer*
Lex:” wtf, theres no cookies in here”
Me:”ugh, move” *moves a box and voila*
Lex:” fuuuck you, that aint even right.”

Literally happened like that, he was soo fucking amazed. It was kinda cute, that my organized,neat boyfriend finally was able to see my power in action. *muahahaha*

Just because it doesn’t  work for you  or in the case of the lover, are incapable, dont judge, it works for me. I dont go around judging people or Lex, well Lex a little and only in my head,most times.

      “Babe, put it down! Step away,that doesnt need to be cleaned,you weirdo!

At least you dont have to pry things out of my hands and talk me into sitting down. But no judging, and I only say it like that because I wont I really dont judge him, that is who he is and I accept that BUT sometimes I can be mean and use it against him.

Anyways I’m  pretty sure I wont hear too much bitching from now on.

One Year

Its been a year. A whole year.

I can’t believe you did it.

When I see a fast car or something that reminds me of you I wonder why?

I know people arent what they seem; demons hide in the dark feeding off the loneliness and troubles.

People drift away, but it doesnt mean they stop caring.

We had seen eachother on and off, more often off, leading up to the date.

We all were growing up, had our lives to live. But we had forgotten you, not on purpose. We didnt call, we didnt visit. We just assumed everything was fine. That was a mistake.

I still remember  waking up November 28 2014 and having my boyfriend tell me that you died.

You killed yourself.

It was surreal. Youu, out of all people, you did it. I was in shock, surprised.

I didn’t  believe him at first until the story came out. You were  gone. One of the funniest,craziest men I will ever know.

I’m  not judging  you, I understand.

I’m  just sorry that you couldnt get the peace you wanted here.

Miss you old friend.