The Past

 

The past is never dead.

Just frozen.

Still.

Always watching,

Waiting patiently

for the perfect opportunity…

To mess things up.

-Jas©

Advertisements

Happy “You’re Not a Father” Day!

Lex usually gets that text every month.

Its a special moment in both our lives, we have failed our duties as humans by not procreating but we have also sucessed by not procreating. Such a confusing time. Am I happy ,am I sad,who knows besides the pain.

Seriously? Cant I just get an email like

Dear J,

Remember this week when you saw that cute little dog on Tv and you started crying? Oh, ohh how about you wanting to rip your mother in laws face off with your bare handss. Or writing that creepy no friends blog…

Well its me!

Mahahah

Got you bitch, you’re  not pregnant.

Enjoy the weekend.

See? Thats something I can forward to the boyfriend.

We can laugh about it and then go for lunch.

Instead you get depressed, angry,pyscho, needy Jas for the win!

Is it too early to drown myself in icecream?

The Girl with No Friends: Calling All Strangers.

upset no friensd

Over the years’ friends have been found and lost; leaving me with only one companion, the boyfriend.  That is fine and dandy but a girl needs other people to talk to; she can’t very well talk shit about her boyfriend to her boyfriend- we’ve tried it and let’s say it didn’t go so well.

I’ve met people on campus and in my classes, we would become acquaintances and then that’s it. We never talk again besides liking posts on Facebook. So I’ve said fuck it and the last few semesters I’ve been taking classes online.

I want conversation. Actually I need it, crave it.

That’s where my little activities come into play; part of my online activities involved me searching for a conversation, anyone to talk to. I know that sounds sad and desperate and in a sense it is, but I didn’t know what else to do. When you try to make friends with people as an adult its waaaayyy harder.  There should really be a handbook for that shit.

This blog is a purpose to make friends, virtually of course, but I think that’s the best kind. It helps my inner introvert. I don’t have to cancel plans, I’ll always be an email away, and if your interests are totally outlandish, no worries I’ll never have to tell you that to your face.

All kidding aside, I know I’ve been a WordPress stalker, observing and liking peoples post(sorrryy) without really commenting, it’s not your guys faults its mine. I am shy if I don’t know you and I most likely won’t say anything to you unless you talk to me first. Then you might have to beat me with a stick to get me away. Clinger.  Just. Love. Me.

I’m slowly opening these chicken wings and trying to fly, talking to more people (I think its 3 now guys!) well it more of commenting but fuck off it’s a first step.  I always want people to be comfortable with me (shit this is getting creepy)

creeper

 

“yes…yess.. comfortable” *rubs tiny hands together*

Anybody like weird humor?? I offer plenty of that.

I wont oversell myself here because the actual reason for this blog was to get to know you.

No not you, move a little, the person behind you.

Ahh yess you!

I want to know you and not the way you tell your mom how your days been going. I want secrets… okay I gotta chill it a little, bring it in bit. I do accept secret but that’s not for now.

We can start off simple, a few easy questions (I won’t be surprise or bad if no one answers, just a little experiment)

  • What’s your nickname? And If you don’t have one do you want one??
  • What’s your favorite color and why?
  • What are your hobbies? (I’m in the market for a new one)
  • What’s your favorite memory
  • If you could live in any era of time which one would it be? (looks like that joint kicked in)

New Schedule.

Lex’s work schedule has been switched  around because they are assholes. He works for one of the big car companies as a lineman;plus he goes to school.  On friday they gave the employees a heads up, that starting on monday there’s a new schedule that has to be followed.

Hes pissed. I’m pissed.

But we both can’t  do anything and its his job so we have to go along with this…for now.

He use to work Monday,Friday and Saturday from 5am to 330pm. He keeps his friday and saturday but add Monday and Tuesday from 430pm to 330am. The whole day,gone.

I have a habit of doing really bad shit when he’s away for long periods of the time. When I get bored. So hes not exactly thrilled to be leaving. I’m  not sure how I  feel right now,but I did tell him I would be blogging,netflix and smoking till I’m  able to go to sleep. And that I’m going to be good.

How ridiculous  does that sound? I’ll  be good I swear.  Ugh,thats what happens folks when you fuck around and fuck over your lover.

We only have to work with this Schedule  for 6 months maybe 7 ..shit thats a lot..wtf. Wow so this is really draggingg me down and I cant let him see me like this so I’m  not going to be thinking about the negative side.

Good news: we pick up the new car within the hour. Soo excited, turns out even more than the boyfriend. Pretty sure he got tired of me saying “guess what,guess what”
this time monday youll have a new
carrr!” (Oprah voice)

I’ll Marry You For The Benefits.

Dear Boyfriend,

We’ve been together for quite sometime now, and you’re aware of my current situation-do the right thing lex,make it official.

I don’t want to pressure you into marriage its a huge responsibility with big consequences. I dont want your money, you can have your stupid prenup. I dont even want your last name (mine just doesnt sound right attached to it) But my insurance is about to be cancelled,leaving me susceptible.  I need your insurance. And your love of course. Duh.

You have really  good insurance, and me wants. Stop being a hog and share!

C’mon it will be fun,kinda like a green card marriage. You sign the papers and I touch your penis every one in a while.

Kidding. *shakes head no*

I can call you my husband and threaten divorce everytime you get me mad. I can commit a crime and you can’t go to court against me (wait does that just apply to the wife?). I can by you candy during that time of month and cuddle in our just married blankie (already searching).

See how much fun we can have,just for a tiny piece of paper that shouldn’t count for shit.

I say lets do it for the benefits,fuck the love😝

Love,
Your Pseudowife

Cat Munchies.

I may or may not be inadvertently getting our cat high,which in return is giving her the munchies.  I don’t  know if its possible for cats to get stoned off of second hand smoke,but its possible.

We obviously smoke in our home; have a fan running so its not all smokey but sometimes  it can get a little cloudy.

When the cats down here she munches on her food 500times a day. Its ridiculous,fatty.

The boyfriend mentioned how she might be getting high, I’m  not too convinced but then I heard the sound of fast chomping and reconsidered his theory.

Thoughts?

What do You Mean You Don’t Have Skewers?

Lex’s favorite thing is chicken skewers from TGIF, literally thats all he ever wants now and gets.

The last two times we went there (two different places)he order the skewers,I order whatever and the person leaves. Normal,fine. 

Its not until 15 minutes later when the entree should be coming out that they decide to come back and tell my boyfriend “sorry,we dont have skewers. Want to pick something else?”

First off, wtf. How do you not have skewers? Second off, “oh noo i dont want anything,I wasnt hungry” I find it hilarious and try to make up some excuses about why they are out.  Except all the reasons are pretty bullshit.

a) they ran out of skewers/dont have them ready.
b)the chicken isnt prepared
c)they dont have those little pita breads
d)they have your name  written down and they hate you.

He gets soooo pissed, and I could totally understand,especially when thats the only thing on your mind and you’ve been dying for it only to be shot down so close.

It ruins the whole meal. He sits there all grumpy cat,while I’m  enjoying my meal,trying not to enjoy it.

We’re  going to try again soon.

*fingers crossed* Let there be skewers!

Dual Celebrations this Season!

All hail Krampus!

image

For years I’ve celebrated christmas because Idk my mother told me to, now its just a time of season where I get to go home.

I’m not religious (shh dont tell mine or lex’s families), and I dont care what people celebrate,as should be,so I’ve  decided to embrace  my inner darkness.

Celebrating those naughty people and kidnapping a few along the way.

Of course, by the way, I am going to be celebrating christmas,which I don’t know what that says about me-does it still count if I dont go to church,ever? Is it blasphemy?  I mean I do live a life of sin. Ah dilemmas of growing up in a Catholic household.

I leave for back home in less than two weeks. I’m  not ready.  If someone wants a stranger for christmas, let me know I’ll skip out on my house  and the thousands of questions I dont want to answer. I’m  already practicing my smiling face and getting my lies in order.

You’re  supposed to feel good when you go home, not feel shitty with your disappointing answers. My family really is nice,but they have this standard of me that I can’t live up to and I can already here them “oh,jas” ugh worse two words everrr.

In the bright side, Lex got a new car (2016 chrysler 300) and we get to pick it up monday. On the downside, I have to hear “I got a caaarrr, I got a carr. I’m  a man again.” Until monday.

Weekend hurry up and be over.

A Defining Time

 

You may be alone right now.

Misery and pain,

your best friend.

Hopelessness and fear,

close relatives.

You’re confused and lost,

Searching.

Demanding more.

Needing more.

But,it wont last forever,

It’s just a moment in space,

A defining time;

That will break you,

If you let it.

-J.Rose©