All nighter

let’s laugh until

the sun comes up,

enjoying the morning

colors play across

the sky.



prenups and fuck yous

you say you

want a prenup, that

you don’t want me

stealing your money but

I already got what I needed

so I sit back and laugh.


bahaha chillddd support.. just kidding btw the baby daddy helped me finish this poem lol to clear things up a little I woulddd never want his stupid money only because I would want nothing to do with him after a divorce lol but  youll have a kid together.. and what does that have to do with me.. he can still do his fatherly duties and we can still be civil around the kid but know ill be flicking him off in my head. I have already told him if anything happens to us and we separate ill create an account for the child and hell just put money in there duh simple and adult of us. and no I don’t plan on us breaking up.. what he doesn’t know is hes trapped forever ill never sign a divorce only because I’m a bitch and he cant get married again =)

Happy “You’re Not a Father” Day!

Lex usually gets that text every month.

Its a special moment in both our lives, we have failed our duties as humans by not procreating but we have also sucessed by not procreating. Such a confusing time. Am I happy ,am I sad,who knows besides the pain.

Seriously? Cant I just get an email like

Dear J,

Remember this week when you saw that cute little dog on Tv and you started crying? Oh, ohh how about you wanting to rip your mother in laws face off with your bare handss. Or writing that creepy no friends blog…

Well its me!


Got you bitch, you’re  not pregnant.

Enjoy the weekend.

See? Thats something I can forward to the boyfriend.

We can laugh about it and then go for lunch.

Instead you get depressed, angry,pyscho, needy Jas for the win!

Is it too early to drown myself in icecream?

My Hair is Turning Against Me

Not only are you unruly but now you’ve  decided to change colors or shall I say add some color.

And you chose fucking grey!

Grey hair..three of them. All in different spots.

This is such bullshit. I’m going to be 26, I’m  not that old!

I blame it on karma, that fickle bitch. About  a year ago Lex and I were on vacation;when cuddling I noticed something that didnt belong..he had a grey hair!

So of course, I pointed and laughed and called him old. It was the most hilarious thing( he is always sayins hes old),especially since his brother went grey at like 30. So its only a matter of time.

I understand stress plays a factor and obviously genetics (maybe, im no scientist) but my mother is barely grey and as for stress. ..ah shit fucking lex.

Maybe me playing it cool and “the no-stress zone” is actually just internalizing shit and rotten me from the inside.

Fortunately, I am able to hide them under my normal hair, but I know they’re there, waiting to spread their drabness throughout,turning me into a crone.

I want to pull them sooooo badly but all I can hear is my mother yelling “DONT DOO IT 7 MORE COMEE, GO AWAYY!”

Ugh stupid grey hair.

I was thinking about dying my hair anyways so maybe its the perfect time. Damnit, I sound so old.

Before people go all crazy, I love grey hair..on the right person and age..appropriate.

I don’t  want them yet.

I only know of 1 person who had grey hair wayyyy before his time.. he was 13 and there was A LOT. We didnt ask nor did I care about why benjamin button was in school but I was curious. Too young. Rumors were stress but I think thats the goo to when it comes to grey hair outside of the senior years. His mom was a little crazy so it could totally explain it but I still think thats uncool.

As of right now they will stay hidden (work with me for once hair) and I’ll  try to forget them, until i go back home and my mother ( I just know it) finds them and points them out.

Theres nothing worse than someone pointing out your flaws or insecurities  (fuck you lex).

Just fall out grey hairs and never come back!