make up your mind

you hated my old ways,

complained it away.

now, that its gone you’re

begging for it back.



too late

If i would have known

it was the last time we would

speak with one another i would

have tried harder;  to have the

courage to tell you the truth rather

than carrying it around with me,








I’ve been gone for a while it seems, oops. 

I was and still am dealing with a crazy, cranky teething baby- come on teeth pop out already. She has been teething for the last three months! Can you say drooly McDrool. Well the last couple of says have shown some promise and I’m prettt sure her first tooth will come out this weekend.

She has also turned 6 months old today. HOLY SHIT. why does it go so first. Alex joked she’ll be off to college in no time. Whyyy is he so mean lol. The good thing,we can finally begin BLW (baby led weaning) which is essentially giving baby the foods you eat no purees. 

So for the last week or so I’ve been emerged in research and recipe collecting. We kinda started last night with some strawberries, a banana, cantaloupe and a piece of french toast. She loved it all and ate everything we gave her.

Another thing i was busy with during my absence was looking for a new car. We had a 300 (lease) but with no space and going over miles we needed a new vehicle.  One that would be good family wise and one that can be a good vacation car to get us to NY in Aug. 

Drum roll….

I talked the boyfriend into getting a minivan! We got the new Pacifica and its absolutely awesome. I can’t wait to go traveling with that badboy. 

I’ll try not to disappear again.

Hope all is well with everyone and I will try to catch up with posts. 


Family Time.

I have been gone lately sorry, we have family here from NY and with a new baby everyone wants a piece of her. 

I have little time to write or even read anything on WordPress. They are leaving in a couple of days so I will be back then. 

Hope everyone is doing well, having a great Easter weekend.

We will be celebrating Easter, Alex graduating from college and my little monster turning 4 months. 

later xo


Dear Dad,

Whoever you are,I haven’t  seen you in almost 23 years.

I was once asked if I would ever track you down,or even if I wanted to meet you; Lex knows how I feel about you but he still had to ask.

I thought it would have be easier, you’ve  done nothing for me, but instead a lump formed in my throat  and my heart broke a little when i said fuck no.

Why would I?

I can’t  even remember your face,let alone voice.

I do remember  the last we spoke- I don’t  remember  the words you said but I know I hung up on you and never spoke to you again.

I won’t admit that I think about you from time to time; I remember the mural by what I assume was your home,do you still live there?

Or if you had another family,do I have half siblings out there somewhere?

I’d never admit that jealousy was my best friend during my younger years;seeing fathers with their children, enjoying themselves- I told myself over and over that it didnt matter, it was okay.

I used to ask mother about you but she must have hated you as much as I did because I never got a straight answer, only ever saying your name once.

What did you do?

Why did you give up so easily?

Its fucking hard to admit that I did need you. I hate myself for it and I hate you. You gave up.

Writing this, shit, I never thought I would; I dont even know why I am- you’ll  never see it,is making me feel slightly better.

For years I acted out recklessly, craving an attention I would never get, even know,destroying everything in my path;putting relationships at risk. 

But I’m finally starting to realize it wasn’t in my control, I don’t  know what you did and I dont care. I don’t  say that I forgive you because I don’t think I can(you’ll go back into the forget box until someone asks me about you)but I understand, you did what you had to do.

I do thank you for not being there since I am the person I am today without you. I may not like myself all the time and have some issues but I wouldn’t trade it for a single day with you.

Your scorned daughter,

One Year

Its been a year. A whole year.

I can’t believe you did it.

When I see a fast car or something that reminds me of you I wonder why?

I know people arent what they seem; demons hide in the dark feeding off the loneliness and troubles.

People drift away, but it doesnt mean they stop caring.

We had seen eachother on and off, more often off, leading up to the date.

We all were growing up, had our lives to live. But we had forgotten you, not on purpose. We didnt call, we didnt visit. We just assumed everything was fine. That was a mistake.

I still remember  waking up November 28 2014 and having my boyfriend tell me that you died.

You killed yourself.

It was surreal. Youu, out of all people, you did it. I was in shock, surprised.

I didn’t  believe him at first until the story came out. You were  gone. One of the funniest,craziest men I will ever know.

I’m  not judging  you, I understand.

I’m  just sorry that you couldnt get the peace you wanted here.

Miss you old friend.

The Reoccurring Theme…I’m back, for now.

There seems to be a reoccurring theme I’ve been stuck in lately.

I seem to be on the internet one day and then gone for like a week or more the next. No contact, no post, just nothing. I don’t mean to do it, okay maybe some subconscious part of me, but consciously, I don’t even realize that days have gone by.

I keep telling myself that today I’ll open my computer, or even better use my phone, to post something of some nature, buuuuttt instead idk what happens.

Well for the last week, the boyfriend had a really bad abscess in his mouth that spread to his cheek; his whole left side of face was swollen beyond belief. I really couldn’t do much,ya know gotta be the nice girlfriend and take care of her sick bubs.

The week before that I was on mid winter break ( hallelujah ). SO me and the boyfriend decided to be the laziest people ever and do nothing but chill out. Oh right, his sister and two nieces came for a visit, plus his other sister and other nieces (plus a nephew) came over.

I like family just has much as the next person( okay maybe a little less) but when you’re on “vacation” you don’t want to deal with all that loud ruckus. lol

Anyways, back to school now , which I’m not really excited about.

I have to do a senior pro folio; my published work and non published work. Because you know its so easy for a college student to get their work published. Another problem is I’m going into advertising, there isn’t much article writing. I don’t have much that I can put together, so there’s one problem.

Another problem is an internship. YAY. I probably should have started looking for one, but with all work for my classes, I haven’t had a chance to even look. Worse part is I need it for the summer, and I don’t have a resume. Whomp Whomp.

On the bright side, 5 more weeks of classes and I can graduate !! Oh man, things are happening way to fast for my tastes and I just might freak.

I might be back later or I might not.I’m done making promises I can’t keep =)