I don’t have
I guess there is
something about me
I don’t have
I guess there is
something about me
silence and darkness
are my only friends,
comforting to me in
times of need.
we grew into
With actually people, friends actually, that I’ve known since highschool.
When I moved,7 years ago, I lost all my friends; It didnt happen right away or all at once, but overtime we stopped talking to each other. Part me, I became a recluse, more of a loner and part them; I wasnt around anymore, why should they keep it touch. I tried, and for a while it worked, keeping in touch. We messaged back and forth, facebook, but that too ended.
If it wasnt for the efforts of my friend L,I probably wouldn’t have seen either one of them today.
L hit me up before I came to NY saying she wanted to see me, of course I was excited-
1)I hadn’t seen her in years
2)I hadnt gone out in years
3) I can talk with friends face
4) Another friend,In, was going to be joining us.
5) because why the fuck not.
The original plans were for Saturday, but my mood came over me and I didnt want to go anywhere ( I felt bad but I REALLY didnt want to go)so I cancelled and pushed it for today.
L said there was this cool brunch spot up in White Plains, so brunch it was. The whole drive there ( oh I didn’t mention I had to drag the boyfriend along because I dont drive?) I was nervous as shit. I dont know why Ive known this girls for years, we use to skip school together and smoke. We were cool and yet because I hadnt seen them in ages besides stalking on facebook, I was scared howd they think of me. I wanted to throw up and cancel again, but I couldnt.
I’m glad I didn’t.
The place was really nice and thankfully not crowded! They were already there when we arrived (we had got lost walking because of my directions,ha.)so I quietly screamed hello gave my hugs and sat down.
It was great catching up, unfortunately, I found out my one friend In has stage 4 melanoma and it spread to her bones. I didnt want to make her uncomfortable, especially that she had surgery 2 weeks ago (removed a foot long tumor) so I didnt stay on the topic long, trying to make the time fun and light. But I felt horrible, I wouldnt show it but I did. Fucking cancer sucks, I dont even want to write about it because it just makes me sad and cry.
The rest of the time went by great, they always got along with Lex; they were around when I first started going out with him, so we were all able to joke around and have fun.
In had to leave early because she started to feel unwell, so me,lex and L stayed for a little while longer making plans for the week to go out and drink. Well mostly them since I dont drink-Ls planning on getting me drunk on Wednesday.
I didnt know how much I missed them or people in general until today.I hope well be able to stay but who knows, I’ll be trying for sure.
I want one.
Okay maybe not just one,but I’ve always been in love with that idea.
Obviously, I wouldn’t be quite comfortable going old school and giving my address out,yet;however, I’ve heard about this invention called the internet and email.
I’m a really good listener.
And I get bored and lonely (how sad),sometimes reading or music just doesnt help.
And I promise it wouldn’t get weird.
Correction , it may get a little weird 😮
P.s this is the shit that happens when the boyfriend decides to sleep.
I couldn’t get this out of my head last night, so here it is.
Lex and I were having a conversation yesterday, jokingly, about me stealing his money and other things.
Lex: “ yeah what else you gonna try and steal from me before leaving.”
Me: “ oh you know the only thing left is your seed.”
Lex: *shocked I said that* “well you’ve tried that already and we found out were not compatible.”
Me:*mouth open* “whatt?”
Lex: “ not like that ,you know one of us has something wrong.”
Me: “thaanks for reminding me about my poisonous vagina.”
“DNA does not compute,matches not found” *in my robot voice”
IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?! Can two people be incompatible therefore leaving no chance to reproduce?
That actually hurt my feelings a little because its something Ive been struggling with in secret; I do think I’m the problem and that my vag can’t handle it. Have I gone to the doctor for it,no because I really don’t want to find out I’m the one to blame.
A reason why we think one of us has a problem ( and why I think its me) and its not scientifically proven but I figure when you do everything right and the right time and you’re young it should happen a little more easier. I mean I don’t even have to search Facebook to know that 90% of the women I graduated with are mothers. Half the time it’s a one night stand and BAM super sperm and super egg unite!
Uhm, why can’t it be that simple.
I mean it happens all the time to women; they just get pregnant, sometimes they don’t even know.
I’m going to have to eventually go, Lex wants a family, I just don’t want him to be disappointed. I know him saying were not compatible is him acknowledging the truth but to be given an actual denial would be a serious blow.
I just told him about this post and how his words actually made an impact and he started laughing, I probably shouldnt have been saying it with a smile on my face.. but what can I say, we’re some twisted bastards.
Hope everyone else’s vag and balls are doing better!
Over the years’ friends have been found and lost; leaving me with only one companion, the boyfriend. That is fine and dandy but a girl needs other people to talk to; she can’t very well talk shit about her boyfriend to her boyfriend- we’ve tried it and let’s say it didn’t go so well.
I’ve met people on campus and in my classes, we would become acquaintances and then that’s it. We never talk again besides liking posts on Facebook. So I’ve said fuck it and the last few semesters I’ve been taking classes online.
I want conversation. Actually I need it, crave it.
That’s where my little activities come into play; part of my online activities involved me searching for a conversation, anyone to talk to. I know that sounds sad and desperate and in a sense it is, but I didn’t know what else to do. When you try to make friends with people as an adult its waaaayyy harder. There should really be a handbook for that shit.
This blog is a purpose to make friends, virtually of course, but I think that’s the best kind. It helps my inner introvert. I don’t have to cancel plans, I’ll always be an email away, and if your interests are totally outlandish, no worries I’ll never have to tell you that to your face.
All kidding aside, I know I’ve been a WordPress stalker, observing and liking peoples post(sorrryy) without really commenting, it’s not your guys faults its mine. I am shy if I don’t know you and I most likely won’t say anything to you unless you talk to me first. Then you might have to beat me with a stick to get me away. Clinger. Just. Love. Me.
I’m slowly opening these chicken wings and trying to fly, talking to more people (I think its 3 now guys!) well it more of commenting but fuck off it’s a first step. I always want people to be comfortable with me (shit this is getting creepy)
“yes…yess.. comfortable” *rubs tiny hands together*
Anybody like weird humor?? I offer plenty of that.
I wont oversell myself here because the actual reason for this blog was to get to know you.
No not you, move a little, the person behind you.
Ahh yess you!
I want to know you and not the way you tell your mom how your days been going. I want secrets… okay I gotta chill it a little, bring it in bit. I do accept secret but that’s not for now.
We can start off simple, a few easy questions (I won’t be surprise or bad if no one answers, just a little experiment)