Explanation

For the last few weeks I’ve been sick, tired nauseous and what not… this is where my denial came into play “I’m just sick” I struggled through writing to be able to post stuff on my blog and it was going well until my sickness’ wouldn’t go away. Weeks passed and I wasn’t getting any better. BF jokingly said I was pregnant… some more denial. I was extremely careful (ok not extremely but what the fuckever) to prevent that from happening even though I had already missed my lady friend by a couple of weeks (no big deal to me since this has happened plenty of times before.)

Then last week (exactly) I said fuck it I’ll take the test to shut the boyfriend up. We bought the test and I didn’t want to take (have done this before too lol) but this time was different. So I waited until he was asleep ran upstairs and did it. 60 seconds! wtf happened to three minutes? Grabbing the tiny stick and seeing those two little lines stopped me in my tracks. FUCK, it actually happened. FUCK I was pregnant .. I had to read it a couple of times to make sure it was right. Shit shit shit. Now I had to go downstairs and tell the bf. funny part: when im making my way downstairs his mother stops me and talks to me about some stupid shit she made or something I can’t focus all I see is her mouth moving and I feel my head nodding before just running downstairs to see the bf peacefully sleeping.

“babe uh, I’m pregnant”

“w-w-what?”

Let the tears come “you heard mee its true”

“well what are you going to do”

Who the fuck says that sooo of course I cry even more. Hysterical. I know  I just ruined his life. (trust me sometime after that I got shit I don’t want to be stuck with you for 18 years harhar  ohhh how about my favorite one.. I have to look into prenups you aint taking my shit … bitch I aint fucking marrying you)

So of course I looked into terminating ( judge all the fuck you want) it took one day into looking into it to get completely freaked out and deciding there was no way I was doing it. I give it to the woman who do its fucking terrifying and just kinda heartbreaking…. Soo I just couldn’t. This is where the bf is like we really cant do this now and shouldn’t but I cant really deny you if you want it…gee thanks well congrats your gonna be a father! Dickhead.

Let the freak out commence. Not on my part his. Im actually kinda prepared and ready to do this. Him nott soo much.  I still feel shitty hence the lack of writing and ive become an elderly person who goes to bed early lol. I hope to start writing again when my head doesn’t feel like its gonna explode.

note: I did stop smoking (cigs and weed) even though this child was conceived during high anger hate sex. sorry spawn (oh yeah that’s what we shall call it and the high part is me but the bf likes to mention it was most likely during the hate sex it happen .. I hate him sometimes lol)

note: if you read the whole thing you get a cookie ( a virtual one of course but still )

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35 responses to “Explanation

  1. I want my cookie to be oatmeal raisin. Girl..it’s insane just how exhausting it is to grow a human. No one prepared me for just how tired I’d be. Maybe with time boyfriend will come around. And if not, well, now you’ll have someone in you’re life that loves you no matter what 🙂

  2. Chocolate chip please 😛 He’ll come around, or I’ll loan you a brick to set his face straight for ‘im. And I second what J said…but I mostly just like busting faces 😛

    • Ohh it definitely is a lot to take it.. slowly since im not trying to overload myself lol. I hear that and im excited, thank you 😊

  3. Sending love and hugs! Your life will never be the same, but you won’t be able to remember who you were before. Take care of yourself! 🙏🏼💜

    • Thank you hun! Eekk.. actually im glad i did need a change in my life perhaps not soo dramatic but ill take it lol. 😌💜

      • Life has a way of forcing change sometimes, huh! Well, I was a not-supposed-to-be baby and here I am! I burst through the condom…sooo, nature is determined. 🙂 Never know what that babe is destined for in the world. Doesn’t make it an easy road, though, but you’re a tough chick. As for bf…hopefully hearing a heartbeat will help it sink in more in a positive way…either way, though…you got this. 😘

        • Ohh yesss it doess and I believe at the perfect moment also. Ahh yess you are taking the world by force! Very truee, and I think..meh know i got this.. omg i hope soo lol I really don’t wanna have to bitch smack him (ive come sooo close soo many times)

  4. Oh I want a chocolate one! And lots of chocolates with this news. Though I’m trying hard to be on a diet!
    Lord save your bf, with your hormones flowing wild, he’s gonna face a tsunami.
    Stay happy and keep yourself calm dear. Lotssss of love and best wishes! 😊😊

    • Haha chocolate it is!! Ahhh one virtual piece will be fine 😋. Ooohh hee iss def facing a tsunami lmaoo hes walking on egg shells. Ahh i will hun thank you!! 😌💜

  5. Having a “spawn” turned my whole world around. I’m only a glimmer of what I was pre-child. It wasn’t even real to me until the doctor put him in my arms and we made eye contact. In that moment I was transformed. Not sure if that happens to everyone, but that was my turning point. I quit the weed, found a job, stayed at it (11 years now) and made a home. I used to be one irresponsible sum’bitch.

    Wishing you the best!

    • Haha when I say spawn i mean it in a good way, always loved that word. Aww yeahh i think k for the man it doesn’t become real till the last months/moments. I’m happy for you! Haha yeahh im the irresponsible one of the two actually lol. He’s coming around. And thank you! 😊

  6. Oh, Jas, you will be great! It’s a lot to think about and plan for and it makes you tired and cranky but that little life growing inside you will be worth it. I think your bf will come around once the shock wears off and things seem more real. Keep us updated on how you feel. You can virtually scream at us whenever needed.
    And happy Mothers Day tomorrow!! ❤️

    • Ahh thank youu! Oh yess lots of crank Haha im trying to be nice. Me2 hes actually coming around little by little. I will most def be keeping an update on here. Haha i might just have to take that into consideration. Thank youu and youu too!

  7. Cookies! Having a baby will change everything… But you don’t need to have a man to help you if you don’t want to marry him. There’s visitation and such. I know it’s a shock, but if you decide to keep and not go for adoption, it’ll be hard, but it’ll be worth it. ❤

    • Cookies for everyone! Oh i know love (luckily he does like children and wanted them..just down the line lol) soo things are moved up a little if he can’t handle it fine with me i can 😊 im looking forward to itt.

  8. Got any vegan cookies?

    In the interest of truth, I have to say some 28 years ago when I was in the position your boyfriend in at the moment, I reacted in a general sense the same way. I was being a selfish dickhead — including pointing out to my SO at the time (and who over a quarter of century later is my SO again…long story…that includes me not only living with her, but also my son, and her mother and all is well) that one of our first bonding experiences when we first starting to date was our mutual desire never to have a child — who was freaking out about how this was going to change my world. I was 24 and close to graduating with my BA, and now my dreams of being a vagabond seeing the world was over, and so forth. So many guys start out being selfish dickheads about it in the beginning, and some slowly, and some very slowly, snap out of it in one way or another. Some never do. It took me some time that is for sure.

    And for the record, our son was conceived in a closet turned bedroom (we were living with four other roommates in a large house as we attended the university) on a night we had gotten drunk…we knew it was that night because it was the only time we had gotten together in that fashion for months before and after. She actually had an almost identical verbal reaction to the stick as you did, and had actually made the appointment to terminate it before cancelling it at the last moment and telling me I could stay or go, my choice.

    I wish for you that things turn out as well as they can. Life has too many twists and turns to try to make sense out of it all (although I keep trying).

    Now about that vegan cookie…

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