For the last few weeks I’ve been sick, tired nauseous and what not… this is where my denial came into play “I’m just sick” I struggled through writing to be able to post stuff on my blog and it was going well until my sickness’ wouldn’t go away. Weeks passed and I wasn’t getting any better. BF jokingly said I was pregnant… some more denial. I was extremely careful (ok not extremely but what the fuckever) to prevent that from happening even though I had already missed my lady friend by a couple of weeks (no big deal to me since this has happened plenty of times before.)
Then last week (exactly) I said fuck it I’ll take the test to shut the boyfriend up. We bought the test and I didn’t want to take (have done this before too lol) but this time was different. So I waited until he was asleep ran upstairs and did it. 60 seconds! wtf happened to three minutes? Grabbing the tiny stick and seeing those two little lines stopped me in my tracks. FUCK, it actually happened. FUCK I was pregnant .. I had to read it a couple of times to make sure it was right. Shit shit shit. Now I had to go downstairs and tell the bf. funny part: when im making my way downstairs his mother stops me and talks to me about some stupid shit she made or something I can’t focus all I see is her mouth moving and I feel my head nodding before just running downstairs to see the bf peacefully sleeping.
“babe uh, I’m pregnant”
Let the tears come “you heard mee its true”
“well what are you going to do”
Who the fuck says that sooo of course I cry even more. Hysterical. I know I just ruined his life. (trust me sometime after that I got shit I don’t want to be stuck with you for 18 years harhar ohhh how about my favorite one.. I have to look into prenups you aint taking my shit … bitch I aint fucking marrying you)
So of course I looked into terminating ( judge all the fuck you want) it took one day into looking into it to get completely freaked out and deciding there was no way I was doing it. I give it to the woman who do its fucking terrifying and just kinda heartbreaking…. Soo I just couldn’t. This is where the bf is like we really cant do this now and shouldn’t but I cant really deny you if you want it…gee thanks well congrats your gonna be a father! Dickhead.
Let the freak out commence. Not on my part his. Im actually kinda prepared and ready to do this. Him nott soo much. I still feel shitty hence the lack of writing and ive become an elderly person who goes to bed early lol. I hope to start writing again when my head doesn’t feel like its gonna explode.
note: I did stop smoking (cigs and weed) even though this child was conceived during high anger hate sex. sorry spawn (oh yeah that’s what we shall call it and the high part is me but the bf likes to mention it was most likely during the hate sex it happen .. I hate him sometimes lol)
note: if you read the whole thing you get a cookie ( a virtual one of course but still )